What was my truly righteous thought you ask? Well thank you for the kind curiosity, my thought was, how I have been "Miscast" in life.
I came to the realization that there are a several life paths, that if had been laid out before me like Hansel and Gretal's bread path I would have taken the world by a testosterone storm unparalleled in the annals of time.
So here they are below, for your viewing pleasure, not in any particular order of amazingness, but more as an anthology of "wow".
Rock n Roll God
I would have been a perfect mixture of David Lee Roth and Beehtoven, besides the deafness in latter life. I would have combined the sublime skin tight spandex wardrobe, battle axe like rock n roll front kicks and epic musicality. What would be the perfect ending to the 5th symphony, you ask? A freaking leopard print spandex and a four minute guitar solo of course, and that is what I would have brought to my adoring fans every night. I would have changed the world one pelvic thrust at a time.....He Man Master of the Universe
First off, I would have gotten to wear a matching animal boot and briefs combo that makes the women go nuts for, at least it does Sarah. Secondly, I would have gotten to ride a green and gold magical tiger by the name of battle cat. Would anyone cut me off on the freeway on the way to work? Yeah they would, if they want to be mauled by a ferocious feline the size of a Lincoln Navigator or caught in a Castle Greyskull headlock... and that my friend is one lock there aint no key for.
So aside the whole cutting edge wardrobe and muscular specimen that I would have been, I also would have been able to fight amazing villains like Skeletor and Merman, instead of the villains I face in my life today, White Chocolate Macadamian Nut Cookies and Turtle Neck sweaters......oh... they are the bane of my existence.
A Mythical Centaur
Now I am not talking about some silly Harry Potter or Prince Caspian Centaur, but a Regal Centaur that ruled the American Plains before the arrival of the Pioneers. Of course , now all you can find is their distant cousins that work in carnivals, freak shows and upscale renaissance festivals.
But there was a day when they roamed over the wide Earth, wind dancing through their galloping hair. Who wouldn't want to have that be their day in day out profession? Sign me up, and twice on Sunday. My name would have been "Hatcha-Tana-Wataka", which in our language would translate to "He who has a Golden Mane of Exceeding Magnitude and Superior Bone Structure."
Dare to dream right? Yep.... dare to dream. Now I'd better go to bed and set my alarm so I'm not late for work tomorrow.
